


Underneath

by TazersKaner (msrogersstark)



Series: Broken [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Crying, Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1398361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/TazersKaner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A red river of screams<br/>Underneath<br/>Tears in my eyes<br/>Underneath<br/>Stars in my black and blue sky<br/>And underneath<br/>Under my skin<br/>Underneath, the depths of my sin<br/>Look at me<br/>Now do you see?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Underneath

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGERS: Crying, Feeling Worthless  
> \--  
> Title is Adam Lambert's song: Underneath  
> \--  
> The summary is also from that song  
> \--  
> I hope you have feels :)

They’re out at a team dinner when Tyler excuses himself suddenly and bolts. Jamie brushes it off as something Tyler just _does._ It isn’t until Val brings up the fact that Tyler hasn’t returned for now almost a half an hour that Jamie figures he’d better go and find his boyfriend. The restaurant that they’re eating at has individual washrooms. He knocks on the men’s door and says “Segs?” as loudly as he can without alerting the closest tables. A whimper comes as an answer from behind the door and Jamie tries to open the door, finding it locked.

“C’mon, it’s me. Open up.” Jamie tells the door and hopefully Segs can hear him because now he’s really worried.

“No.” Segs replies from the door.

“What’s going on in there?” Jamie asks. They’ve seen each other naked, there should be nothing Segs has to hide from him.  
“Just go eat dinner.” Segs tells him and he sounds so defeated.

“No.” Jamie shoves his weight hard into the door trying to make it budge at least.

Tyler backs up quickly at the sudden shaking of the door and hits his back on the sink. He groans and that makes Jamie try the handle again.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Tyler warns him.

“Don’t hurt myself?!” Jamie is yelling now and Tyler really does not need this to end up on Deadspin. “How do I know you’re not hurting yourself?”

Tyler walks towards the door and unlocks it. He knows his eyes are red and his hair is probably a mess but he wants to show Jamie that there isn’t any blood anywhere near him. Jamie is standing there, brown puppy eyes full of concern and all Tyler wants to do is to fall into Jamie’s arms and spill his deepest secrets but he knows he can’t. He brushes past Jamie and heads back to the dinner table. He orders a beer even though it’s only lunch and drinks about half the bottle in one go. He doesn’t meet Jamie’s glance because he knows that he’s watching and doesn’t want to see the disappointment that he always sees in people when he drinks.

 

He tries to sit out that night’s game with “soreness” but he knows his team needs him and this is how this all started so he dresses that night and plays his best, working hard enough to get them a win and himself a good excuse to go drinking. The boys suggest a bar down the street so they head there. Tyler would rather be without his team for now but he feels Jamie’s eyes on him and so he goes with. He doesn’t suggest the shots but he’s happy to participate and ‘wins’ the game, (he does 5 and Jordie can only do 3.). He’s pretty wasted by then but he’s started now so he’s not going to stop. He orders beers for him and Jamie because Jamie hasn’t had anything to drink and Tyler doesn’t want to be the only one wasted. Jamie takes the beer and looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t.

 

Tyler starts to get really used to having his head in the toilet bowl and Jamie starts to get used to wiping Tyler’s face and bringing him water and trying not to throw up himself. It isn’t until Jamie watches Tyler drink vodka before they head to the arena for practice that he decides he has to say something. He really doesn’t want to bring something up with Segs while he’s drunk so he waits until he has Tyler alone in their hotel room. Tyler has only had one beer and he’s reaching for a second one when Jamie touches his arm gently.

“We need to talk Segs.” Jamie looks at him, trying to convey that he’s serious.

“No.”

“Stop avoiding me.”

“I’m not.” Tyler is reaching for the bottle again so Jamie goes against his better judgment and yanks Segs by his Bruins hoodie (which Jamie really wishes Segs would not wear because the Bruins are just rotten memories for Tyler) and rolls on top of him so he really can’t move. Tyler looks up at him uncomfortably and bites his lip really hard.

Jamie can see the tears forming in Tyler’s eyes and he really didn’t want this to turn into tears.

“Let them go, Ty.” He speaks very quietly. “Tears are better than alcohol poisoning.”

Tyler turns his head away as best as he can and wills his tears away. He knows that it won’t help. He knows that he’s likely going to break down crying right here in front of Jamie but he doesn’t want to.

“Can I have that beer?” Tyler asks, hoping his voice doesn’t sound wrecked.

“C’mon, just talk to me.” Jamie pleads. “You really don’t need anymore to drink.”

Tyler sighs and closes his eyes.

“I didn’t want to bring it up but I saw you drinking before the game against the Sharks and that’s not just bad for you, it’s bad for the team.” Jamie starts to explain.

“Oh I know what this is.” Tyler sounds really mad now. “It’s about your team. It’s about playoffs. It’s about leadership.”

Jamie sighs exasperatedly. “It is not. Don’t you dare say that.”

Tyler doesn’t say anything.

“Don’t you dare say that I don’t care about you, Tyler Paul Seguin.”

“Ugh. Don’t middle name me.” Tyler groans and tries half heartedly to force Jamie off him. It’s not really bothering him, Jamie’s weight. It’s keeping him there, keeping him grounded and he suddenly doesn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Jamie feels like he’s begging but he doesn’t know how to make Tyler talk to him..

Tyler stays silent.

“Do you not like it here?” Jamie is just listing anything he can think of now. “Don’t like the Stars or the city or the teammates or me?” He closes his eyes, hoping against hope that it’s not _him_ that’s making Segs sad.

“It’s not you!” Tyler feels like he’s drowning when Jamie says it like that. “It could never be you.”

Jamie trails a hand down the side of Tyler’s face. “Then please tell me what it is.”

“I need to make the playoffs.” Tyler says softly.

“Well, that’s a little extreme isn’t it? No one needs to-“

“No Jamie. I _need_ to get to the playoffs.” Tyler stresses. “Because what am I to the Stars if I can’t do that?”

Jamie is starting to see where this is going.

“And,” Tyler continues in a soft voice that Jamie can barely hear. “If the Stars get rid of me, who will want me?”

Jamie opens his mouth to talk but Tyler holds up a hand. He’s going now and he knows if he stops he won’t start again.

“I’m nothing without hockey, Jamie. I’m nothing with it either.” One tear falls down Ty’s face.

“The entire move to the Stars was a ‘starting over’ for me and if we don’t get there then I’ve blown it.” He whimpers. “If we don’t get there then I’m still the NHL’s problem child. That’s all I am.”

The tears are flowing faster now and Jamie wants to scream at Tyler how wrong he is but he doesn’t. He wants Ty to get this all out.

“I’m so scared, Jamie. This entire year has been scary.” Tyler explains, getting louder now. “The concussion scare and the new city and the new team. I miss Marchy and I miss Brownie and I want to go back to the way it was before I screwed up my life.”

Jamie sits back and let’s Tyler sit up. Tyler’s arms find their way around Jamie’s neck and it seems like he’s silently asking permission to hug Jamie. Jamie opens his arms and Tyler crawls forward and just curls up in Jamie’s arms.

“You’ve all been so welcoming to me, which is more than I could have hoped for. But now, we’re so close but we’re also so far.” His voice is muffled now, face pressed into Jamie’s shirt. “And I’m trying so hard to get us to the playoffs but I feel like my body is going to give out from the stress.”

Tyler looks up for a moment. “And, do you want to know the worst part? The Bruins are kicking butt without me. They’re at the top of the league! They could win the Stanley Cup this year. And this suddenly happened after I left.”

Tyler pushes his face back into Jamie’s chest and Jamie kisses his hair.

“I love you, Ty.” He tells him and he repeats it over and over while he lets Tyler cry. He just holds him because he doesn’t really know what else to do. He mulls over everything Tyler said and suddenly realizes why Tyler didn’t want to tell him that. Why he wanted to drink.

 

When Tyler’s crying has wound down a bit, Jamie reaches blindly behind him, searching for the box of tissues. Tyler looks up at him for a second and then back at Jamie’s shirt.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” Tyler exclaims, gesturing to the wet spot on Jamie’s T-shirt. He pulls up the hood on his hoodie and pulls the drawstrings tightly so that the hood closes around his face.

“It’s ok, Tyler.” Jamie sets the box down in front of Tyler and stands up. “I’m just going to get you some water.”

Tyler nods and lies down on his side. Jamie returns with a glass of water and makes sure that Segs drinks at least half of it. Jamie lies down beside Tyler so that they’re face to face.

“Even if you were nothing to the ‘Stars’, which I can guarantee you are not, you would always be something to me. And to Marchy and to Brownie.” Jamie assures him.

“You’re 22 years old, Tyler.” Jamie continues, “You can make mistakes. And your life isn’t over.”

Tyler sighs.

“It’s not fair, all the hate you’ve gotten. And maybe I’m biased but you’re not a terrible person. We all drink way to much sometimes. You’re luck has been against you, that much is obvious.”

Jamie makes sure that Segs is watching him.

“ The Stars want you here, I want you here. We’ve done so well this year because of you. You’re the best linemate I’ve ever had. And if anything, I’m just glad that Bruins don’t have you because then they’d be deadly.”

Tyler chuckles quietly.

“And I’m so so sorry that you’ve been subjected to all of this BS.” Jamie finished, kissing Tyler’s cheek softly.

“Thank you.” Tyler mumbled and closed his eyes.

“You’ll be no use to us if you get Alcohol Poisoning and we need you.” Jamie warns him. “So please, if you’re going to drink, sit near me and I’ll make sure that you’re ok.”

Tyler kisses him, a silent promise. They drift off, Jamie with a firm grip around Segs.

 

The next night, they win again and, at the bar, Tyler plants his butt firmly in a seat beside Jamie. He orders a beer and drinks it pretty fast, liking how it burns down his throat. When it’s done, the bartender comes over to take his order again. Jamie glances at him, just out of curiosity and beams when he hears, “I’ll have a coke please.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd


End file.
